I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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