I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
