ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
