My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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