goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My hand turned me down
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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