sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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