should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
