I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
