If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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