I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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