The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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