I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
