What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
