My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
