i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
