Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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