The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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