I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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