it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
