then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
