I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
