i was born a porn star she said
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
