I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
