I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
