I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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