I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
