She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
