I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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