My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
