I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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