Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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