he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
id be glad to
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
