my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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