I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
