there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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