I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
NoShamevember. You game?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
