So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
