yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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