He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
