I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
