Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
