Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
