i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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