How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
