Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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