Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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