Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
