You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
