We named our party play list daddy issues
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
