There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
