Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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