im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
