if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
