jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
