before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I touched a dick in church today
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
