Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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