whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
