"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
