dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
