I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
