Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
