does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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