made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it glows. i had to have it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
