i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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