margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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